psychicmuse

nevermind!

Wed, 29 Mar 2006 16:09:11 GMT

Nevermind.. I can't believe I thought that.

One of the smartest things I've ever said:

Sat, 10 Dec 2005 13:29:57 GMT

Skuhn, first of all I'd like to point out some things that you apparently never learned about Jesus, because your brain was switched off and you connected some mental hose directly from the ass of whatever person was lecturing you at the pulpit at church into your brain.

Jesus was as FAR from modern day christians as you can get.

So far, that I'd like to point out one glaring thing that you REALLY should understand about Jesus.

He would have despised someone like you. Your eyes are so shut.

Jesus spoke in parables, similies and metaphors. For you to NOT have noticed that, is sheer ignorance and a lack of desire to REALLY get to know who Jesus was and what he really was all about.

I don't know if you noticed this, but politics is currently masquerading as religion. "Family Values" the non sensical code word of the religious right, has come to be secured in place of where people's brains lodge their definitions of christianity. But nothing could be less christian.

Jesus wanted you to think. If he had wanted you to take ABSOLUTELY EVERTYTHING HE SAID verbatim, as a loving person, he would have been more specific.

Jesus was NEVER specific. He wanted you to think, he wanted you to compare YOUR life to the stories he was telling you, to find the common ground, without associating it with any current religious dogma.

For you to take his wonderful, enlightening stories and turn them back into Dogma, that you wield like a shield covering your intolerance and inability to think for yourself, is a direct slap in the face to Jesus and everything that he stood for.

Jesus was all about loving your neighbor. He would't have sat there quoting bible verses, but might have used one or two Dogmatic phrases against someone as a way to illustrate that they were full of it.

Jesus was a rabble rousing, authority questioning, free thinking democrat.

He disliked wealthy people, the establishment, although he didn't want anyone to get in trouble, so he told others that they should probably pay their taxes. He didn't agree with any idea that would have isolated and demonized people who were "sinners".

He would have NEVER gone for this bullshit that people are doing to gays, to Iraqi's to Americans, taking our civil rights. Jesus was not for "cracking down on" or warring on people as a way to solve problems.

Jesus was all about the love. That's what he wanted you to know. That through his loving example, you will find peace in heaven.

I happen to know that you don't have to love Jesus or be a christian to go to heaven. I know for a fact, because I've been dead, physically dead for over a minute and have been there.

I have read stories of many people who were not christians, who went to heaven with out the whole ridiculous, "I'm too stupid to understand what Jesus really meant" ideas of "saving" people and making them swear some oath to Jesus and created this idea of being a part of the "body of christ". I know for a fact that you do NOT have to accept Jesus christ as your Lord and savior to go to heaven. I know you will have a better experience going to heaven if you are a good person and do as Jesus did. (Who WOULD Jesus bomb, or would he support Bush? I think NOT)

Sure, it could be good to be a part of that body, but right now, I wouldn't touch the spiritual body of christ with a ten foot pole. I'll bet Jesus wishes you guys were gone out of his energy too. How hard it must be for him to continually fight you guys in your stupid ideas of what he meant.

I feel so sorry for the spirit of Jesus in heaven.

Jesus was against intolerance, like you see it in the backwoods diseased version of christianity that the religious right has adopted for political purposes. Jesus would have been hanging out day and night at a gay bathhouse.

Jesus thought that the way to deal with "sin" was to love the sinner.

I don't see you loving any of the people you think are sinners. I also dont' see you doing anything other than supporting an administration that claims to be christian, yet is the farthest thing from it.

The aid workers who go into Iraq and provide medicine and food for them. Those are Jesus's type people. Those people care about their fellow man, like Jesus did and they GET IT.

You don't. YOu don't get anything about Jesus and you know him as little as you know the man who lives across the street from me.

YOu haven't a clue what Jesus was all about, or what he was saying.

Not a fricken clue. You still think that booklearning and memorization of the words in books is intelligence, too, I'll bet.

I'll bet you believe everything your pastor tells you verbatim and you believe that he's some kind of special minion to Jesus and whatever he says is right and what your conscience tells you is wrong.

You wanna be liberated? You want to be a christian? Get your fucking HEAD out of a bible and go do something to help your fellow man. Get out and try to stop your government from killing people for no reason. Try NOT to support groups that support war profiteering, because if there was ONE thing I can tell you that Jesus would NOT support, it would be the making money of the false war on Iraq.

Those were Jesus's people. Jesus was from there. Given that, he still loves us and you, God knows why but that's what makes him holy.

But even then, Jesus was JUST trying to get you to open your eyes and explore your own spirituality. Which you patently refuse to do.

Jesus wanted you to discuss these things in groups of people, but discuss them in a more personal matter. He was always telling stories to illustrate his point, but not making it like the STORY was the point. That it was to be taken verbatim.

Skuhn, how on earth could a "devoted" christian like yourself have missed that about him? AFter all these years, how could you.

You should be ashamed of yourself and your faux christianity.

Elgoti, I need you

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 00:58:38 GMT

Dear Elgoti (Ever Loving/Listening God of the Internet),

I really need you right now. My sister agreed to rent another place this year for Sundance. I feel very responsible because her friends canceled on her and they were going to pay her the other 1/3 of the place that she paid. I invited some people to come with me, and I didn't charge them anything to stay in my room. Now she is going to feel weird because her people didn't come and I have two other people and she'll have a room with two queen beds in it.

Could you just please get two of her friends to come with her, so that they can pay her and i DON'T HAVE TO FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO COMPENSATE HER?.

Its one of those weird mixups that's really nobody's fault, but I feel responsible, or she is saying things that are making me feel responsible.

Its not my fault, could you also get her to see that? Its not my fault that she rented such an expensive place, when I told her that my half could only be around $1,000?

sigh. I'm tired, could you please, please find someone that my sister and her husband knows who'd have a super fantastic time going to the festival with her? I need to feel and she needs to feel that she's done a good thing. I don't want her to feel ripped off, but most of all, I don't want her looking at me like I've done something wrong because I invited people and they are coming and her friends didn't come.

Its not my fault, could you please, please send her friends to go with her, who will compesate her that other $1,000?

Thanks Elgoti, I knew you'd understand.

Sometimng I wanted to remember and write down

Fri, 02 Dec 2005 23:04:44 GMT

This afternoon I was thinking about the way things went down with me and taking that energy.

The more I took it seriously, the easier it was for me to form the energy into something harmless or into a film or a video or something and send it out.

It only became painful, when I stopped believing it. When I'd just send it out, weird things would happen, when I didn't take it seriously. Things got out of hand, when I stopped wanting it to happen and tried to stop participating in it.

The day I laid up in my bed, tortured by the energy and I finally screamed. I gave in again and sent it out into two things, a song and one of those christian things.

I did find that energy again in Blondie's "Crazy Maria" and a chick tract about a chick named Maria who's haunted by evil energy and it won't leave her alone. The name of the Demon is "verona".. someone I worked with. That's how I knew it was from me.

Energy is weird. I hated that part of my life most of the time. THe thing I hated the most was the disbelief factor, not being able to really believe it, and treat it as normal.

I'm so tiiiiired

Sat, 05 Nov 2005 19:30:20 GMT

I'm so tired
Tired of not being admired
Tired of worrying about getting fired
Goodness gracious I'm tired.

I'm sick, sick and tired of worry
Worry without any hurry
Worry with reasons so blurry,
Goddamnit I'm tired!

I'm so tired. I didn't sleep all last week, my son kept getting up in the middle of the night and driving me nuts. I'm tired of not being able to create order in my home by making my son stick to a schedule so I can count on getting sleep. I'm beginning to figure out that not only does food cause me to worry and become anxious, but that lack of sleep aggravates that.

I had a very definite cause and effect event happen last week. I drank some coffee with questionable food additives in it and then took some kind of migraine over the counter medication and had panic attacks all afternoon. I didn't drink a lot of the coffee, just a small bit, and it was enough to send me over the top.

It was a rough day. I've been feeling like shit all week long as I face a new work environment and the temptation to eat poorly. They had a beautiful carrot cake (from a bakery, so it was doubly suspect) and I ate some of it and in ten minutes I was ready to run to the bathroom.

Then last night, in a daring attempt to get some sleep finally, I put my son in my husband and my bed and I took some tylenol PM. Now I feel yucky from the medicine, but good from the sleep.

I still could sleep. I'm constantly being followed around by a grim unhappiness that reminds me of the music from Donnie Darko. That film really.. the energy of it, just.. the residue of his plight, so much reminded me of the emotional journey I went on.

Today, I finally discovered an internal nameless torment. The torment of the duality of my being a film person and a real person. The duality between my excitement of the idea of making my psychicmuse experience into a book and a film and the innate mortification that I could get excited over something that basically was the illustration of the ruination of my life.

Something I feel deep shame about and dire embarrassment. Something that even with all the time and talking about it, has not healed to a point where I feel anything other than completely anxious talking to people about it and them knowing.

At first, when I talked about it, I experienced a sense of relief and rare occaisional enjoyment. Kind of like the feeling when you've been stuck on a bus and you have to pee so bad, and you finally get off that bus and you finally get to use the bathroom and its like you're almost incapable of experiencing the relief, but you feel it, but mostly you are still in this shocked mode, that you had to wait so long and you had to experience this torment. The enjoyment came at moments and spurts, namely the minute you realize you're not going to have to suffer anymore.

OH Lord, will I ever get a good grasp on this thing that happened to me? Will I ever stop wanting to attract myself to people who constantly try to get me to believe it didn't happen or its a lie or its not real. Because those people seem to be who I gravitate towards. Those are the types of people who help me feel that maybe its not real and I don't have to deal with it.

That's all a part of the thing now, trying to find a way to undo it. Finding others who create a sense of denial for me. Believe it or not, its kind of a comforting delusion that I was possibly delusional. That it didn't happen. The funny thing is, no matter what it doesn't take away from the fact that I lived through it.

I lived that experience, I had that experience and nothting will ever change the torment and twisting my mind went through during that time. Why people think its better to think "you're just crazy" than to examine it from my perspective, I have no idea.

Are people really afraid of their dual creation relationship with the all that is? Are they really that afraid to take personal responsibility for their lives? I wonder if that has something to do with it.

Becuase the other option is that something about me, makes people just NOT want to believe that I'm anything good. That people instrinsically dislike me. (which I know not to be true).

I do create strong reactions in people though. Amazingly, Deepak Choprah (who I've been watching a lot of lately, he's done a few DVD's that you can see of his lectures and exercizes) says the SAME EXACT SHIT that I say.

Only he doesn't use the word shit and he has the kind of mystical permission we give indian people and people of non caucasian races.

I envy them that, I'm sure in this world of heightened political relgious predjudice, they'd find that amusing.

Good ex catholic girls are not supposed to diss their heritage, right? OMG.. its all I can do to keep myself from becoming predjudiced against christians now. I try so hard.

Maybe that's what's behind my mystical attraction to certain jewish men. I have no idea. Madonna had been attracted to the Kabbalah.

I do think vedantic buddhism does carry some of the better aspects of what I've learned from what happened to me. The book "Conversations with God" is a good primer but the DVD that I've been watching, "Conversations between Buddha and God" (shit I think that's what its called) with Deepak Choprah is really something I can focus on.

Speaking of focus, as I began eating too many sweets and stuff, my ability to focus began worsening. Its been gradual, where I eat more junk and more junk closer to each other.

I seriously need to go back to my all organic diet for a few months and not slip off it, but christmas is coming up.

I need to reassure myself that its not bad for you to take care of yourself, even when you feel you can't, even whenyou feel you are scared to and even when you are too tired to.

The film commission is slowly but surely coming along. Its like watching grass grow. I thought it would progress faster than it is. I cannot do anything more than congratulate my volunteers and thank them for their help. I truly do appreciate them, but have no idea what kind of time any of them has, so therefore cannot pass any judgement, but must constantly offer support.

They are kind of fabulous though. Each one of them has something unique to offer.

I guess that's all for now. BTw, I wanted to say here that I'm sick of people using the word "blog" to describe personal sharing. To describe a monologue and say that its like farting now, you're not allowed to do it.

This generation really has been deprived of attention and it gloats, observes, resents, detests and watches everything having anything to do with attention, or "getting the floor". They jealously guard it, so that if they couldn't have it, you can't either.

This generation has created an attention deficit disorder, that's self sustaining. That kind of worries me.

ok, that's really all.

Sun, 30 Oct 2005 21:38:52 GMT

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
psychicmuse goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as Betsy Ross rolling over in her grave about the Bush Administration.
nephratari gives you 4 orange evil-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
psychicmuse ends up with 4 pieces of candy.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

Something feels different today

Tue, 18 Oct 2005 13:11:51 GMT

Today, I played a song from an old CD, that always brought up memories for me.

The feelings aren't there anymore. Time has passed. For like ten or so years, I'd listen to this music and recall the feelings that it brought up in me.

I have the feeling of being past something huge right now. I just wanted to share that.

I no longer cry out internally, of course if I ask if that makes sense, someone would say "Of course not, muse, do you ever make sense"

and part of me understands that ...

But.. for once, I don't feel that burning yearning.. thing. I feel like I've said and gotten out of me what I needed to get out.

i used to constantly feel that I couldn't get enough of my grief, anger, shame, sadness, etc. out of me.

This song that I listen to, reminds me so much of what it was like to lose my self, my soul, my personality everything. Everytime I'd listen to it, it was like I was right there back there and could easily be in it again. Like I was still in it.

Some part of my soul has come back to me somehow. I listen to that song with a feeling that whatever it used to illicit from me, is past. Its in the past.

What a wonderful day. What a wonderful life I'm going to have from here on out. Nobody and I mean nobody could be more grateful just to be here right now, alive. I still have my body, I didn't die when I tried to kill myself and I finally feel that my personal vibration is back in me.

Not out there. So whomever was using it, is going to have to come find me if they want more. I have a sensation of my own energy filling my soul and not the energy of what bothers me, what I need to do and what I've not done. Not of my regret but my hope for the future.

Not of what I'm worried about, but of the general collective feeling of waking and hearing the birds sing, the trucks go by and the feeling of the soft, warm covers on my back, and the soft mattress underneath me.

Atlas has dropped the world and it still spins on its own.

Donnie Darko

Tue, 18 Oct 2005 00:11:58 GMT

Made me feel cleansed.

I don't know exactly why. I used to have waking visions and dreams that a plane was going to hit my house with me in it. I also kind of identified with the idea that he was dealing with strange and unusual life forces and that he sacrifices his life to change the course of history (or at least he tries to).

I just loved this film so much. Maggie Gyllenhall was in it. She was in secretary too (another film I'd had a vision of when I worked at an accounting firm and had a stern boss that I had a little crush on, just a little, not a big one). You can imagine why I'd send THAT energy away from me.

hmmm...

I feel holy again after having seen it. I can't help but wonder if its the last film I'm supposed to see.

I do, I feel a sense of completion or something. Of confession. I feel like I got it all out.

My new friends

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 18:57:28 GMT

I've noticed that a lot of people know about this place and are reading it. I wanted to say hello to the View Askiewbians who've made their way here, simply by word of mouth.

HI!! There's good reason I don't talk about this stuff on the site. It makes me very uncomfortable. I get tired of "normal" people and their reactions.

ITs really boring and tiresome. Its like hearing you're fat for the eighty millionth time.

That is all. Welcome!

Saturday Night Ravings

Sat, 15 Oct 2005 23:57:57 GMT

I'm at the computer on a Saturday Night.

I'm wishing for something great to happen to me, when something great HAS just happened to me.

I think I'm very selfish. I think that I need to appreciate the great fortune life has dealt me.

I have gotten a position as the Executive Secretary For the CO (CEO?) of a Media/Television type company. I cannot believe how lucky I am. I will learn so much on this job, and unbelievable amount.

It will definitely make my resume seem so much more attractive, should I ever decide to really pursue working as a support person for a producer in a major studio. Which would be a great goal for me.

I just wish I could work for Rick. I get the feeling he's great to work for and that his assistant is just the nicest person too. When I thought I wanted to really work as assistant to the producer, I thought "I want to be like those two, I want to be able to help people and be in a position to really change people's lives".

I think I was so impressed by how they treated me that I felt I needed that lesson. Who knows if it was real? It was sure helpful, that I can say.

Anyway.. another night.. me hoping someone cool writes to me, or that something comes through for me in a way that makes me happy.

Maybe I just need to get laid and to have it be good. Maybe that's it.

Second prophetic thing to happen recently in my strange and unusual life

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 23:23:28 GMT

I've been watching the film Sunshine. Its been a long journey into it and for some reason, the DVD that I got from Netflix was damaged. I never re-order DVD's when I find them damaged, but for some reason, I wanted to see the rest of this.

It was a beautiful and important film. It was also incredibly depressing. It ran three hours long.

I'm glad I had a while to digest it, because after it was over, during the credits I had some incredible revelations.

While I was watching the end speech (The last Mr. Sors reads the letter that the Great Grandfather wrote) and it had all this wonderful advice, for some reason I had a striking revelation.

The story itself was about how you have to hide yourself from the public, if you are the type of person that the general population likes to demonize. In this case, it was the Jews, who suffer relentlessly for their being jews. Not many people know that the Jews were the only people for centuries who were allowed to become bankers and handle money, a task deemed too dirty for christians.

So, when they get good at it and become very important and viable to society, they get punished for it by Hitler and then amazingly, a succession of people afterwards.

But the key element that struck me was the way he had to constantly hide who he was. I understood the pain of that and could follow this story on a level that not many christians and even ex christians cannot.

So, I'm watching it and I'm thinking about how the moral applies to my life. How tragedy brought out different aspects of their personality and about how until they became and accepted publicly who they were, nothing changed for them. Then I thought about the initial experience of my vision.

How I took the energy upon myself and made it work itself out upon me. I also thought about the idea of someone making it into a film and I knew in my heart, that out there, there was someone who could appreciate this theme. There was a filmmaker who would do this for me, I don't know who they are, where they are, but someone will, hopefully see the unusual and original messages created in this life. I thought about how people come to life and how they are tested, how each life creates messages of how God loves us and how my life was so messed up, but the message still came out the same.

You are loved in an unbelievable way. You are love in an unbelievable way. You love in an unbelieveable way.

I thought of my experience and how he was no longer able to be himself, and how I was no longer able to be myself. I thought of the trauma and how it hit them and hit them and hit them, and I thought about how it hit me and hit me and hit me and then it dawns on me.

That maybe, its not like being skewed apart, as if by violence. That maybe these times, maybe life is like having light refracted and seeing All the colors of the rainbow displayed out for you, so that you can see how beautiful that rainbow is.

And all my life, rainbows have been incredibly important to me. They've been a symbol that's given me peace and connection to myself. A symbol that gays have accepted and I believe means finding something that splits you apart so much that you see and display and become all the colors of the rainbow.

How sometimes your passionate and then sometimes glowing and content, and sometimes you are sunshine, yellow!! (The Film was called Sunshine) and then sometimes you grow intensely, and then you suffer and are cut down, and then you are blue with deep sadness, and then the pain begins to heal and the blood turns purple and then black, as you begin to fulfill your destiny of learning.

Purple is the color of the completed spectrum. Ultra Violet is the color of suffering gone unnoticed, that only God can see.

I felt so touched by the synchronicity of this beautiful example. By the perfection of my attraction to the rainbows and how it had been a lifelong thing. About how maybe, just maybe, this WAS the life I was supposed to lead. Although what the fuck was I thinking, dear lord, how could I have picked such a weird life?

I became filled with emotion, and tears came down my cheeks when I realized this. Its impossible for me to describe the sheer perfection of this revelation. Its impossible for me to convey the perfection this thought had in my being, in my well being, in my general psyche.

It was as if the film was showing me, again. for the nth time, that you are never alone. When you think you have sufferened more than anyone, there is always someone right there with you, or in some cases, who suffered even more than you.

The Sonnenshein family suffered oh so much more in so many indescribably horrific ways. Things I don't want to imagine. I still do not know if this is based upon a true story or if it is a work of fiction, I'll find out.

I have it in me to suffer for the long haul. I wonder what possible gift, what possible plan God has for me after this, with the unusual talents I have now, spiritually?

Dear Lord, I hope it isn't time to begin the cycle of suffering again.

Another prophetic moment in my beautiful and strange life.

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 23:05:02 GMT

There are so many things to say right now.

Mr. Beefheart recently got back in touch with me, by googling me on the internet. He was the very, very, very first person to hear the psychicmuse story. He was also the guy who left a bloody beefheart with an arrow through it on my front doorstep with "Fuck you Psycho Bitch" in stage blood.

I saw it as I went out. I was very traumatizing. I was holding my son at the time.

Anyhoo, somehow his epithet doesn't seem so strange, as that's become a common reaction to my story. I've been called psychomuse by at least a hundred different people (of the 300-400 exposed to the story) on at least a thousand occaisions. It seems to be a common reaction, programmed into men, especially. When in doubt, when something confounds you, call the woman in question a psycho and relieve thyself of further responsibility.

He emails me on the same, the very same day that "My Life with Earl" premieres. Its a show about a guy who has a startling revelation that he needs to go back and undo all the harm that he's caused people in his life. He makes a list. Mr. Beefheart also apologizes to me.

Don't get me wrong, I was nice to him. I figured that it might be helpful to me in the future to be nice to people who try to contact me. I'm a "Hey, been a long time how ya doin" kind of person, so I don't want to judge those that act as I do.

I shouldn't have been nice to him. Or should I? I don't know, this is all very confusing. Jim, my husband was extremely upset and in a display of male authoritativeness he says to me "I wouldn't email him back, I would have no contact with him" To which I reply with a quick possible email reply, to which he says.. even more strongly "I SAID, I WOULDN'T EMAIL HIM". Of course this gets my back up. Want to get my back up? Insist that I HAVE to do, what you say. I'll be fucked in a disaster if anyone tries to tell me I need to run that way because the danger is coming in the opposite direction.

But the kicker is what he said "I read your email on the Kevin Smith Website and it made me smile, so I decided to write to you".

Keep in mind, Mark was an accomplished finder (ok, borderline stalker) when I knew him. I thought he'd trailed me to the View Askew site that I have found to be like a second home. The previous tenants, not having moved out, seem to resent my finding this second home. Who cares.

Ok, so, I google myself and find NO Kevin Smith Website thing. I get upset, thinking, how the fuck does he know I'm on this site, I don't use my real name? How long's he been following me.

I try again, believing that possibly I may be judging him too harshly. Don't ask me how I can give people like him the benefit of the doubt, but I do.

And sure enough after about five pages, I find this.

Something, I did not even know happened. I wrote this email and didn't stick around to see it published on the internet.

http://www.moviepoopshoot.com/mailshoot/11.html

Here's the text.

And finally, some of that unsolicited advice Kevin's been looking for

Maria Gebhardt writes: Dear Mr. Kevin Smith,

And I don't really care that you don't allow people to do this.

If you REALLY don't know what you are doing next, Read "Love by the Book".

Ryall: You mean...you follow "The Book," too? I...aw, forget it, I won't start quoting JAY & SB STRIKE BACK now.

Its going to be made into a movie. Its my personal lifequest to see that someone who can direct comedy makes it. I didn't write it, I don't know the guy (only as an e-mail fan) and I hand picked it out of all the PGL Scripts as the best one in the top 250.

Or, you could re-make Gilligan's Island into a feature?

Ryall: Without Alan Hale Jr? You blaspheme!

By the way, I'm the real muse behind Dogma. I really am. You believe me, right? I'll bet you do. :-). My personal energy went out into the universe and I'm really an amalgamananana of Bethany and Serendipity.

Ryall: You mean you have the ability to piss off the rest of the cast AND speak with a sexy Mexican accent?

Well, now since you made ten dollars off Dogma from my energy, you can read this script, right?

Ryall: Nope.

Love,

Maria

P.S. Did you really call Liv Tyler "Sport Fuck"? I can't help but wonder if that pisses her Dad off. Nevermind, you could squish Stephen Tyler easily.

Ryall: Even worse, what if Steven was the one who nicknamed her that? (For the record, he wasn't).

P.S.S. Its registered, copywritten and not attached and I am not this writers agent, friend or co-writer, nor do I work for him. I just think his script is brilliantly written and creative and funny and timely and ORIGINAL.

Ryall: Well, if he's so special, let him direct his own dang movie!

May the blue bird of happiness, spend all day at your door, beating the poop out of the red bird of emotional distress, unspeakable shame and financial hardship, every time it gets near.

Ryall: You realize that everytime you say "poop" now, we collect royalties?

What a motherfucking momentous concidence this is. That I should find this and that Mark should contact me two months after I join View Askew. Maybe he's on View Askew, who knows.

Anyhoo.. this is the first post today about what I need to write about. More updates in the next post.

Journal

Mon, 12 Sep 2005 00:15:11 GMT

Wow, I haven't posted in a really, really long time.

There's not much to say. I always want to say more, talk more when things are going either really super great or really super bad.

Everything is okay. I still try to talk to Jim and he still doesn't really respond. Which is discouraging, because the longer I try to be myself and talk to him, the more he doesn't encourage me to open up, the less I feel he wants to open up and the more I think he has to hide from me.

Its rough. He knows I do not trust him still. I don't know if I'm fooling myself or not. I know he'd be really upset no matter what If I left him. I don't think about it much anymore.

I'm pretty happy.

The end of an obsession

Fri, 19 Aug 2005 20:33:41 GMT

So...

I used to be addicted to all things Project Greenlight. I've got both films on DVD and the entire series. I have a zillion PGL pictures on my computer and PGL cups, hats, t-shirts, etc. I had a small crush on Frank Caridi (and "met" him in person) and a HUGE hero worship thing for Rick Schwartz, the VP of Miramax of Season II, that culminated in a magical inspiring few emails, that lead to my entire life and perspective about everything changing and me finally turning my Titanic of a life upright and getting her sailing again. I spent an unbelievable amount of time on the message board and have home videos of me nursing my child, while still typing on the message boards of PGL.

I was even interviewed for the TV show about being obsessed with Reality TV for my Project Greenlight Obsession. I can't even begin to describe accurately for you how completely in love with PGL I was and what it meant to me and how its affected my life in such a positive way. For years, I literally lived not only for the show and the contest, but on the interactions of the inhabitants of its message boards.

Its finally all over now, I think. I've recently realized that weeks can pass without my thinking about it at all.

I feel very strange about it, in retrospect. I've gotten enough distance to be able to look back and think "Dear God, what happened to me?" but on the other hand, I look at the obsession as a healing machine to me.

It literally was my therapy. The message boards helped me to work out so many of the things that were bothering me in my life, things that I was absolutely not able to talk about, and am now trying to put behind me.

Thing is, it took the place of my being able to have a life for myself. I lived vicariously through the people on that show and it was a long slow transition from that "I just will never make it back" feeling and wanting the feeling of touching the entertainment industry.. to where I am now.. kind of back in it.

I've written letters, poems, and odes to the PGL Staff, sent christmas cards, thank you's and invitations to them. I've been to PGL events, as many as I could attend and still keep in touch with a ton of people that I met through the site.

You'd think something like this would leave a hole in your life. But its like there was a plank up my ass that's no longer there. I only have one thing left to show for it, a beautiful picture that i WOULD LOVE to be able to get to Rick Schwartz, but can't seem to get a hold of him and to care long enough and try hard enough to insist that I find a place where he can receive it. Its that I definitely feel like a pest and feel that I'm bothering them. Rick o(or his assistant) has been let in on the helpful aspect of my short email conversations with them and the profound life changing effect their letters of encouragement had on me. There's nothing more to say after that, I guess its time to let it go.

Its just really hard. I made this beautiful poem, framed in this nice gold gilt frame that i bought in a custom frame shop and has mounted inside it about 20 four leaf clovers that I found in ONE sitting one day. I had planned to collect them, but wasn't finding any. I just was about to give up when I felt the strongest desire ever, just this sincere absolute wish to be able to express my gratitude in a way that meant something, and i looked down and there was a four leaf clover in front of me. Then I found another one right next to it, and then another one and another until I found like 30 of them. I was like giggle crying over the whole deal. I was like "Damn I wished I'd found one really super good one, just one great big leafy one" and then I looked down at my wishing well and there it was.

I used to have his name scribbled in my basement on this history wall that everyone who bought my house has written on. In a stupid little heart, until my daughter busted me and I had to erase it.

Even though I erased it, it still managed to show through, even the white nail polish i'd painted over it with. I feel that way now, even though I want to let go, I can't. The main obsession is over with and its time to move on with my life, which has become the thing that I was jealous of, the thing that the PGL winners had that I didn't, involvement.

Here are the clovers:

[IMG]http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b44/psychicmuse/fourleafclovers.jpg[/IMG]

I still have the poem I wrote on it too. I wanted to wish them (Rick and his assistant who was just as helpful to me as he was) luck that they were leaving Miramax and moving on to new things.

Old post from PGL, that I want to save.

Sat, 25 Jun 2005 14:37:03 GMT

Thanks Pickel for re-posting this (even though you meant to post this to hurt me, it didn't, rather I was pleased to find it)

Originally posted by: psychicmuse
When I was nineteen years old, prior to my first sexual experience, I had a spiritual intervention. Right before I went to try to have this happen, I was stopped by this energy which showed me a series of images representing what would happen to me if I continued this relationship with this man.

It also showed me the future. When I looked at the future, I was scared shitless of the things I saw. Something inside me reacted really badly and I sort of "took" some of that energy upon me and arranged to have it work itself out on me prior to that time.

While I did this, I created a terrible break in the energy of life and in how things were manifesting in my life. I was already off track, but getting this far off track would create some terrible problems.

But I tried to "Pay it forward".. you know.. the idea that everythign in life manifests out of the energy of our spirits and then our emotions, then a Karmic opposite is created. Actually.. I got the idea from Christianity. I actually asked to be allowed to take this energy upon me, just like Jesus did, how he "paid" for our sins. I just didn't want that future to work out that way.

So, I did that, and when it came time for me to see how my life would manifest after that, I coudln't look.

I stopped being me. I dropped everything in my mindset, because this energy overtook me and my thinking. Everything that happened to me after that, HAD to work out badly, as punishment.

As I was doing this, as I was arranging this, I became very afraid of what I was doing. I guess you could say I panicked and I couldn't let go of this idea or the energy, because the spirits suggested that in some way I'd be diverting the energy of the apocalpyse. After that, I coudln't let it go. Mostly because I didn't know what would happen if I let it go.

I learned so many things in that instant, you wouldnt' believe how life works and how energy works. How everything we do is as a result of this energy. How its like your energy has a color and everything that works out in your life, comes out int he same color as that energy. IN other words, if you have mostly positive karma and are creating mostly positive things, anything that you do will become positive, or have the color of that postive energy about it.

So, like a self fulfilling prophecy, and because I got so scared, my life had no choice but to manifest the images of what I had created. Because I was so frightened, that energy froze in my mind and I couldn't change it.

And it happened, just like I saw it, everything did. From the two men I was suposed to "save".. to the events turning from middle easterners doing it, to them being Americans doing it.

Everything I did, changed so much.

Just know that what I did, happened in a split second and before I could think about it, it was done, and I couldnt' change my destiny until all that energy was worked out.

That in the physical world, people are capable of great feats of physical strength when they become afraid that someone else will be hurt.. I became capable of this great spiritual feat. I was so willing to stop the things that I saw happening and so totally NOT willing at the same time.

Mostly I saw this gigantic messy horrible energy destroying the Fabric of the United states. I saw a lot of really horrible terrible pain. Some of it still happened, but in another form.

That's why I have that white streak in my hair. Because it scared me so [censored] bad.

Now do you understand why I have trouble talking about this?

It wasn't because I was some kind of evil genius that I did this, but because I cared about people being hurt. I thought I was much better at handling that hurt than they were. I just couldn't stand what I saw it was too horrible. I was very naive at the time too, a naive catholic girl.

Something beautiful

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 13:08:15 GMT

One of the filmmakers responsible for the film "Stray Dogs" had this to say about why he chose to make a film about children who's mothers are in prison in afghanistan, and are forced to go out during the day and try to make money, and to stay with their mothers in prison at night.

"I have learned that film-making can be a way of alleviating the sufferings of human beings. Just as there are doctors without frontiers, so there are artists without frontiers. My compassion is aroused whenever there is suffering. Saadi, one of the greatest Persian poets, has a poem which expresses the same sentiment and which has been adopted by the United Nations: Human beings are members of one another,

As they have been created from one essence.

When one member suffers pain,

The others grow restless. "

Do you feel restless? I certainly do.

You May be Brainwashed by Corporate Media if you:

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 22:20:59 GMT

You May be Brainwashed by Corporate Media if you:

... believe the 5 corporations who own almost all of the media in the U.S. are liberal.

... believe $300 billion of U.S. tax money, allocated for the war and reconstruction in Iraq is actually going to Iraq .

... are unaware Iraq had 650 million barrels of oil in reserve just before the war in Iraq .

... are unaware at least $8.8 billion is known to be missing in Iraqi oil revenue from the period the U.S. was in control of Iraq .

... are unaware 198 million in Iraqi dollars is missing from the Iraq treasury from the period the U.S. was in control of Iraq .

... are unaware that war is exceptionally profitable for a small number of investors.

... believe Halliburton's no-bid contracts have nothing to do with former CEO, now Vice President Dick Cheney.

... are unaware that the Iraq war is the biggest case of war profiteering in human history.

... believe Saddam Hussein or Iraq had anything to do with 9/11, Al Qaeda or Osama bin Laden.

... are unaware the U.S. has killed more than 10,000 innocent women and children in Iraq with cluster bombs and depleted uranium munitions.

... believe depleted uranium weapons are not radioactive or deadly weapons of mass destruction (they are 12% less radioactive than nuclear weapons grade uranium and very deadly).

... believe wealthy, warmongers can also be true Christians.

... are unaware stem cell research threatens the pharmaceutical industry by curing and preventing diseases which drug companies profit from by treating with drugs.

... are unaware the pharmaceutical industry is based entirely on treatment and is threatened by cures and prevention.

... are unaware the Food and Drug Administration does NO testing of food or drugs. They only set guidelines and review the testing corporation's do of their own products.

... are unaware the Medicare Prescription Drug and Modernization Act has been 're-estimated' to cost U.S. taxpayers $1.3 Trillion (not the original $243 billion or the 'adjusted' $400 billion), and only pharmaceutical corporations and HMOs benefit from the increase.

... are unaware the Boston Tea party was a protest against corporate corruption (East India Company).

... are unaware our founding fathers intentionally made sure that corporations had no power over people or our government.

... are unaware corporations have fought aggressively and systematically over the past 200 years to increase their power and influence over our government.

... are unaware U.S. corporations are now protected under the 14th amendment as a legal 'person.'

... are unaware the definition of fascism is: 'The marriage of corporation and state' -- Benito Mussolini.

... are unaware well known U.S. corporate interests attempted a military coup against Franklin Roosevelt in 1933.

... are unaware most corrupt and wasteful government projects are run primarily by corporate contractors.

... are unaware 'less government' means paying corporate contractors three times what we pay government workers to do the same work.

... are unaware American corporations behave very differently in other countries.

... are unaware Enron and others were NOT investigated until they collapsed under the weight of their own greed.

... are unaware Bush's massive tax cuts were invested overseas to build sweat shops, factories and other facilities, where our jobs have been outsourced.

... are unaware outsourcing American jobs weakens labor unions and keeps wages low and corporate profits high .

... are unaware weak enforcement of immigration laws lowers wages in the U.S. and increases corporate profits.

... are unaware 'Free Trade' means 'Slave Wages' to poor people in Honduras, Bangladesh, China, Malaysia, Burma, Cambodia, Dominican Republic, Colombia, Philippines, Thailand, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Indonesia, Nepal, El Salvador, Guatemala, Burma, Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam and others.

... believe America is hated all over the world because of our freedom.

... believe the massive U.S. national debt (now $7,786,000,000,000) created by Republican presidents Regan, Bush and Bush does not seriously threaten the future of our children and grandchildren.

... are unaware massive national debt ensures the expansion of poverty, which keeps wages low, which increases corporate profits.

... are unaware widespread poverty keeps wages low and corporate profits high.

... are unaware weak gun control laws perpetuate violence in poor neighborhoods which expands poverty, reduces wages and increases corporate profits.

... are unaware abortions go down only when we reduce poverty, expand healthcare and improve education.

... are unaware that making abortion illegal expands poverty which reduces wages and increases corporate profits.

... believe the Michael Jackson trial deserved more news coverage than the genocide of 400,000 people in Darfur , Sudan.

... believe Social Security is the biggest priority in America .

... are unaware privatizing Social Security would be a massive give away to experienced Wall Street investors that would also destabilize Social Security.

... are unaware that NOT funding 'No Child Left Behind' is dismantling funding for schools in poor neighborhoods, which expands poverty, lowers wages and increases corporate profits.

... are unaware the Healthy Forests Initiative has led to massive clear cutting of prime lumber and almost none of the forest fire prevention that it was sold on.

... are unaware the Clear Skies Initiative has increased pollution.

... are unaware Tort Reform will absolve corporations of massive negligent liabilities for things like asbestos exposure, pollution, mercury poisoning, hazardous waste, mad cow disease and all sorts of dangerous products and practices.

... are unaware mercury pollution (mostly from coal fired power plants and medical vaccines) has caused an epidemic of Autism, ADD and ADHD in the U.S.

... are unaware the Bush administration is dismantling three decades of US environmental protection.

... believe global warming is a rumor or conspiracy.

... are unaware 'Global Warming' is causing colder weather because the melting ice caps are cooling the gulf stream.

... believe the science of evolution is less valid than literal fundamentalist interpretation of creationism.

... believe the UN scandals could have taken place without the largest, most influential member and host nation being involved.

... believe making a war monger ambassador to the UN will help prevent more wars.

... are unaware that expanding equal rights to any segment of the population (including gay people) also expands economic opportunity and puts pressure on wages, which would reduce corporate profits.

... believe Fox News is fair or balanced

Oh so many things to tell

Fri, 27 May 2005 01:33:28 GMT

Just no time to tell them.

I'm working on a new documentary about children of the civil wars of Africa.

I'm working at a pharmaceutical company (of all places, dear god, what am I DOING?)

What else. hmmm... Jim and I might not get divorced.

We might not stay together either. I've been considering helping him buy another house in which I have my own bedroom. We need each other so much. We depend on each other for things, most of the time, just to have someone to tell about the asshole who pissed you off at work the previous day.

I'm in a fight with my sister, I've NEVER been in a fight with her before.

that's pretty much it.

Oh yeah, my terrific son graduated from High school and he's going to college in Tennessee next year.

I finally did it

Mon, 11 Apr 2005 15:43:36 GMT

I finally got up the nerve to send my family the script I wrote about a certain time in my life.

I know there will be resistance to it. I know some of the family will say "Don't do this, it will hurt us". I feel strongly that I won't do it if they say no.

I have other scripts, other ideas, other things.

We'll see what happens. I expect something tantamount to an explosion of anger from my family or a feeling of support and pride.

My family is all over the place. My Dad is the person who comes off the worst in it, and its his feelings that I'm most concerned about.

My family is also not very keen on having their "dirty laundry" aired for public consumption, I'm sure they probably feel like that about it.

I'm pretty sure they are going to hate it. But whatever. At least I'm getting over this hump and getting through this barrier that's kept me from trying to sell my script.

Some more of my thoughts

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 02:41:04 GMT

This afternoon I treated myself to another viewing of one of my favorite films of all time. "Big Fish".

I love that film, but I often forget about it. Its kind of painful for me to watch. Every single line, every single element of that film I can identify with. I so identify with having parents who run screaming from the truth of how things are, and who will not share the truth of who they are with you.

I identify with the father, who's life defied explanation and who's adventures were so unbelievable that he decided to add a thing or two to them, just because his inner playwrite demanded that it not be TOO close to the truth.

When he says that's unbelievable, Dad, and then his Dad goes "Story of my life" I cried.

I thought about how wonderful it is to see films that bring you closer to yourself. I thought about all the films that Jim Carrey acted in that really helped me through some powerful emotions, like a facilitator, guiding you through other people's experiences.

I thought about how wonderful and magical and incredible some of the things are that happened to me and suddenly out of nowhere, an emotion that I never even knew I had, came out fully and I felt this terrible unspoken grief that I'd been carried inside me, spoken to myself for the first time.

I was sad. I was very sad that my story would never be believed either, and at this point, I was so sad. Because for as miraculous as some stories are, and how miraculous life is and wonderful (like the film Big Fish) I was sad that a wonder had been created and would never come to light to anything but people who say "That's crazy".

I feel so sad that the miracles that helped me heal will never be appreciated by the people who created the magic for me and who will never know the depth of gratitude I feel for films like "Big Fish" and "The Majestic" and "The Truman Show" and other such things.

I felt so sad that the idea, the very idea and miraculousness of the experience will never, ever be known by anyone but me, and I cried.

I cried from the depths of my soul, as if someone had worked on a beautiful painting for 20 years, only to see it spat on. My story is so beautiful to me, it really is.

And nobody will ever know it, or believe it. I have only told it to people who I was SURe would not believe me, or who were so spiritually adept that they understood it and it didn't phase them that much.

I only told my story to people who would seek to punish me for it, because I needed that, and I knew I needed it. I felt BAD about what happened and BAD for being this incredible drain of universal energy, where so many people and so much effort had to be enacted to save me.

But then again, I feel the sole possessor of the full knowledge of the greatness of the love of the universe for any of its souls. I do feel that what was done for me, has been done for so many other people, so many other times. I do feel that the universe helps others in the way that it helped me and that nobody ever says that.

I do feel that there is a connection between psychic ability and it gets greater during times of stres and trauma, where you can actually exhibit so much outward energy that its easy for people to pick up your vibes.

I do feel that energy travels within us, around us, between us and for us. I do believe we charge thought energies with intentions and they go from us like carrier pigeons.

I do believe that I'm entitled to my spirituality without being called crazy. The idea has escaped many people, as they believe its only a little crazy to be a christian or a jew, but completely crazy to have a spirituality other than the ones that are already accepted by society.

When I look into the eyes of people like Jim Carrey, I do see internal angst. Its as if he's looking out at the world and saying "Where were you God". If only he knew how much God had been there for him, he'd be amazed. Sometimes, I worry that my needs caused other people to miss their life journeys as well, because I needed so much from the world.

I don't take those worries seriously, but they do cross my mind. I worry about how my upsetting my own path, upset the paths of others and what the butterfly effect of it all was.

That's one of the reasons I walked out of Butterfly effect, because it was too close to the truth.

It was like a nightmare. The funny thing is, after I see some of these films, its as if I've experienced the energy I feel for the first time and some of the angst changes its vibration or tone or whatever. It gets less and easier to handle and less scary.

But it doesn't send the truth of what happened packing and its not replaced it with a slew of homogenization helping rationalizations.

And no matter how many people have tried to convince me that I'm crazy the memories still remind me exacty of what happened.

How I had the visions and then saw them come through films, exactly as I saw them in my vision. and then knew that they were for me (and I'm aware of them being for others as well, as no matter what energy you are going through, you inadvertently pass it along and others experience it as well).

I know that these things were done to avoid harm going out.

Sometimes it makes me feel sick to my stomache how so much could have happened through me. I wonder how so many are able to avoid curiosity altogether and never have these wild journeys with the universe and its energy of love.

I wonder how many have gone before me. I knew at the time that what I was doing was the opposite of what a spiritually advanced person would do, I just didn't know what else to do.

I still tell you that messing up my life to stop the world from the course I saw it go on, happened almost without my consent. It was as if something inside me from my heart, from my spirit leaped up and said "NO!!!!".

Like leaping into a lake. Then, with the scant knowledge of rosicrucian teachings that I had and my basic, basic, basic common understanding of human energy and how it worked, I came up with the lamest plan ever, but I knew it would work.

Because I trusted my knowledge of spirituality. At this point, I can barely tell you the events that transpired during my vision. Sometimes when they were fresh in my head, I was too afraid to speak them out loud, or put them where anyone could see the, lest they think me crazy.

Then, when I got used to them, I was either too bored or too discouraged by the critisism that was heaped upon me by people who have no basic knowledge of spirituality and human energy at ALL.

Where the hell am I in this now? I think I'm just now getting used to it. I'm getting used to and through the shame cycle of knowing that I had a hand in it, and that I caused it to happen to me in some ways. I'm through a lot of the fear as well.

Sometimes, people almost convince me that I might be crazy. Its so tempting, because it relieves me of the anxiety of blame and responsibility for the choices I made for my life.

Sure, is not me, I just was hallucinating.

And then I remember the visions that came true. That part brings me back to the truth and no matter how hard I try to find reasons NOT to believe them, I just cannot. I can come up with things like "Maybe you were confused and just receiving visions and the words that you heard and spoke with these spirits were your imagination".

I like that one. I go with that one right before I go to work sometimes. Sometimes it helps to convince me that none of it was important and none of it is of any consequence to even me.

It was an accident and it wasn't supposed to happen. So maybe its not important at all, and maybe it can go unheard, unspoken.

Except I already kind of feel that it has been spoken and heard. I just wish I could tell MY story. The way I'd tell it. I wish I could tell it so that people could feel and hear the wonder and majesty of all the energy that is, in my voice or in my writing or something.

Sometimes, I just wish this amazing story didn't make me look like such an idiot.

I think I wouldn't have done it, if I'd thought that I'd really sit down and tell people about it. In FACT, I'm SURE I wouldn't have.

I just didn't think it all through, when it first happened. I wasn't in the habit of doing that, I had dumped my entire mindset for a guy who was an athiest. I still regret that, somewhat, even though he opened my eyes.

I regret the cruelty of it. But now, I'm not convinced the cruelty was in the person's words who told me about the flaws of my religion, but the people in the religion who tricked me into thinking it was something better than it was.

Anyhoo.. go see Big Fish. It made me cry. I'm sure a lot of people cry at that film.

I wish I could get Tim Burton or M.Night Shamalayan interested in my psychicmuse story.

Tim Burton would be perfect.

Jim Carrey is HOT in these pictures

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 02:15:08 GMT

He's just so darn handsome, and talented and wonderful.

Dear Elgoti,

Tue, 29 Mar 2005 23:10:20 GMT

Oh great and powerful Elgoti, I have a favor to ask.

I ask, not just for me, but for many. The suffering that the new Project Greenlight Boards has caused so many people is just so great. Nary a poster comes on the board without complaining.

Could you please go and whisper in the ear of the Bravo people to update the boards, so that there are FORUMS with the name and so we can post our own individual threads.

I don't ask for much these days Elgoti, but I would be ever so grateful if you could do this.

I appreciate your listening to me.

Love,

your favorite internet muse,

maria

PROJECT GREENLIGHT IS BACK!!!

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 15:07:40 GMT

I'm posted out at this very moment. Needless to say my FAVORITE TV show is back on the air, if only on another network. I love this show. I get so much useful information about the issues that they invent that don't really happen in real life from it.

No, seriously, sometimes I do learn something. But its a TV show. Its like they take reality and then try to take the scenes from it and make a show. Which seems to be more important than showing the process so that people can learn something.

Its not completely education free, but still.

argh. What am I saying, I love it.

a psychic reading I got from a friend

Sun, 13 Mar 2005 13:57:17 GMT

Here is a reading that I got from Magicalcat (Missy). I wondered if it had something to do with Jay, my producer. He's into meditation and such.

I see your broken heart healing. (Broken by feeling used by people.) I see your good heart mending. I hear 'invite peace in' and I see white light filling your heart. I feel your magnifence as a being of light and your creativity. I feel your sadness of the world being in turmoil. I see your heart healing. Staying calm. I hear to tell you, 'enjoy your beauty.' I feel more of letting love in

I see you carving a huge statue of a face and polishing it. I can't see the details of the statue face but I know it is of yourself. I feel the magnificence of your creativity. The statue is a totem. Wise person. This wise person calls out people's lazy energies. This person sees while he/she sleeps. This person is used for greed. People that just want money. The wise person says to them, 'heal the imbalances through meditation.' This wise person heals through meditation and evolves astrally.. unlocks doors on the astral plane.. is guided (I see a bird) and wakes up happy!

SPOILERS!!!!... The amazing hilarious documentary "Yes Men".

Sun, 13 Mar 2005 01:58:23 GMT

Thinking it one of those frightening, feel sorry for the people who are going to be duped Michael Moore, stunt things, I was pleasanty surprised to find the film "The Yes Men" something completely delightful and palatable. Its a film about a few guys who's parody website of the WTO, attracted actual invitations (that they actually attended) from serious conferences, hoping to attract a speaker from the WTO.

What's striking about this film, is that with the exception of the cease and decist letter that they received from the Bush campaign, nobody has fought the guys who pull these elaborate pranks.

Under the guise of WTO affiliation, these guys go and give only slightly exaggerated presentations accurately representing some of the attitudes and motivations behind what the WTO stands for and the results of its actions.

The funniest scene is the introduction of the WTO's solution to managing foreign workers overseas, yet keeping the leisure time, aka "freedom" that Americans love. What I deem "the goldmember suit" delivered in a presentation (ironically in a scandinavian country) elicits only mild laughter from a bored, yet grateful audience of serious financial conference attendees. The suit features a large gold inflatable phallus like appendage, that allows someone to run, play, dance, do all sorts of other leisure activities, while the television monitor on the portable appendage shows them exactly what their foreign workers are doing. Funnier still, is the difference between the giggling reaction they get from counter workers, as upposed to the reaction that serious business men have to this ridiculous suit.

The most striking thing about this film, is not the message that the Yes Men deliver, its the idea that nobody reacts, not even slightly to their twisted messages. Most audiences (with the exception of the much less jaded college one) just mildly pay attention and scribble notes as the faux WTO officer deliver the most outrageously offensive, yet alarmingly accurate portrayals of the WTO and its purposes and goals.

None of the suits react, to even the most ridiculous of assertions. The message of this film is clear. Americans and people the world over areare for the most part, basically sound asleep. We are no longer shocked, surprised or even resentful of the moneyed set, presenting ridiculous ideas to us, we've all learned to smile accept and eat up whatever shit we are fed.

Literally.

The Yes men's final stunt proves one that the audiences have been waiting to hear. They announce in an austrailian financial seminar, attended by serious agribusiness financiers, that the WTO's policies have lead them down the wrong road, that they are closing the WTO and restructuring a program that will care for the world's poor and create wealth in smaller countries, instead of causing the rich to get richer and the poor to get poorer. The reactions of the audience members are priceless, proving that if we actually went in the right direction, people would go for it, support it and willingly go along. They expressed admiration for the WTO, and surprise that they would admit that they'd made mistakes.

Its a hilarious film and one that merits the attention of anyone who wants to see what happens, when you punk non celebrities and you tell the truth, absolutely nothing.